Husband sleeping with my neighbour

Dear Pastor,

I am a frequent reader of your column. I have a situation - I found out my husband was sleeping with my neighbour who lives in the same apartment building as we do.

I found out in March when she came to me and said that my husband tried to rape her. I confronted him about it, and he said that the claim was untrue. The same night he moved out of the house and left the children in the tense environment for two and a half months. He moved back in when I had to travel overseas. We only spoke for the sake of the children. I begged my husband to go to the police station and report the matter if he knows that what she was saying were lies. He did not. When I returned to Jamaica, he claimed that he had rectified the problem and everything was okay.

But before all that, he was coming in very early in the mornings, for example, at 3:30 a.m., or sometimes not at all. He hardly gives me money for the home and to support the children. I am a teacher. I find myself having to pay the bills and send the children to school, or if they are sick, I have to do it all myself. He talked to me in a most disrespectful manner. Two months ago, the same girl attacked me and my children and damaged my car. I made a report at the police station and they arrested her. She got bail, and then she attacked me again. Then she got my number; she calls and has never stopped tormenting me. We went to court and we should return in January for trial.

Now, I have rented a house and moving out of the apartment because I fear for my life and the lives of my children. My husband is saying that I can't leave the children. I don't know what to do because I found that the same girl is sourcing another person to harm me. My husband and I still share the space for now.

Pastor, with all of this, he says and does nothing. Now my life is at risk. I cry night and day because I am sure if and when I move to another house, she is going to continue tormenting me. I know I should have left already, but I just got through with a house to rent that I could afford, and balance with the rest of the daily expenses. Also, one of my children has special needs. Please help me with whatever advice you can.

Do you think I should withdraw the court case to be on the safe side?

H.

Dear H.,

This matter is before the court, so I am very reluctant in commenting on the case itself.

Suffice it to say that it is regrettable that you have to be in court with your neighbour. According to you, your husband is not standing with you. However, I can assure you of my prayers and I hope that you would receive justice. Regardless of the outcome of this case, your children and you should undergo therapy. So, please make an appointment to see a family counsellor. These children see what is going on between their father and you, and they hear the arguments, so it would affect them psychologically and they may not do well in school.

If you are divorcing your husband, you should make sure that you receive maintenance for the children so that you would not carry the financial burden of doing everything for the children. So even though you have expressed how difficult it is for you financially, make sure that you retain a lawyer; don't go to the court and try to explain yourself without a lawyer. History has taught us that sometimes it is the biggest liar who wins in court. So protect yourself and your children.

I wish you well. You have my prayers.

Pastor