I can’t marry my racist boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old girl. I was born in Jamaica, but my father is American. He wanted to take me to America after high school, but my mother was against it, and I did not want to leave my mother either.

My father told me that whenever I make up my mind to leave, he would be right there for me.

One day, my mother told me that the reason why she did not want me to leave was because she was hoping that my father would come back to Jamaica and marry her, and take the both of us to America. However, my father got involved with another woman in America and secretly married her, but never told my mother.

My parents have a love hate relationship. There is nothing that my mother wanted that my father would not send for her. My mother had a man in Jamaica, and this man knows about my father.

I have a boyfriend. He asked me if I would marry him and I told him no. The reason why I told him no is because he does not like America, and I would have to continue living in Jamaica.

My father and my uncle bought a farm in America. It is not a very large farm. My father said I will benefit from his shares in the property whenever he retires or passes.

I love my boyfriend. My mother is telling me that I should make up my mind and marry him. However, I am on the verge of breaking up with him.

My father is coming to visit Jamaica very soon. My father is half white. My boyfriend is always talking bad things about white men, so I am confused. I told him he must not say these things because I consider them offensive.

I am leaning on wanting to break up the relationship with him, but he is so very kind. I don't know what to do.

S

Dear S.,

Your boyfriend should learn to keep quiet. Many years ago I was visiting some friends in the State of Michigan. They were white, but we were good friends. While I was there, a man, who was white, came to see them. He asked them who I was, and they told him that I was visiting them from Jamaica, and we all are good friends. He declared to them, 'I don't like him'.

He didn't like me because I am black. He was a racist.

I tell people all the time that racism is on both sides. There are some white folks who hate black people, and some black folks who hate white people.

I will go further in commenting on your letter by saying this sort of hatred is even in church. A friend of mine from Georgia, who is white, told me that his pastor, who is also white is prejudice. It is unfortunate that your boyfriend does not accept everybody as equal. I, therefore cannot encourage you to accept his proposal.

You should not marry him.

Although your father did not marry your mother, he supported you. I am sure that he will continue to do so, although you are now an adult. Your father love you, and so does your mother, but it is time for you to step out on your own.

I believe that your future will be brighter for you in the United States of America, and if you were to go there, you will be in a better position to assist your mother.

Pastor